hold up....

Depression is a weird illness, for many reasons. But today I wanna touch upon one...

It is invisible. You don't see it (or if you do it's rare)

This mean that most people don't know you are ill, when inside you're buckling from the weight of it all.

No, no, before you ask, I'm feeling good today! 

Good enough to take four selfies! A whole FOUR! That I like!

Scrolling through my Instagram feed I have noticed a drastic change.

It's probably just me that's noticed it but I'm having mixed feelings. 

There has been a big increase in the amount of selfies I am posting. 

I have always felt ashamed to post pictures of myself, I'm not really sure why. Could it be poor self-esteem? That I don't wanna seem braggy about myself? I don't know.

But today I am putting my foot down. Everyone needs to indulge in selfies.

If you feel good about yourself, snap that shit & post it everywhere! I wanna see it. I wanna see your smiling happy face, your pouty duck face, your smize, your 'groupie' as the kids call it, a shot with your animal friends! 

I want to see you feeling positive about your being and your life. 

Some people complain about selfies. I say screw 'em. If you don't like it, just scroll on by, no harm done. 

When I look at my social media when I was having a really tough time, it kind of breaks my heart. The few selfies I posted my eyes look dead and sad. I look like I don't wanna be on the planet, because well, I didn't. Mostly, it's pictures of my little feline protector who made those months bearable. 

So basically, what i'm saying is i'm gonna post selfies a lot & if you want to, you should too.

Do not have selfie shame. 

And if my selfies bother you, then you can SUCK IT 

(or just scroll past and ignore?)

Much loves,

Hayley 

xxx

p.s here, have some examples!

82%

Yep guys, over 80%!

Can you believe it? I'm struggling to a little bit, but i'm gonna go with it!

Sometimes life is good, you smile for no reason, go for a walk with no destination and dance in your kitchen using a milk carton as a microphone. 

I hope you don't mind me talking about this, but I find it just as important to log the good bits as well as the bad bits. 

Look, a picture of a happy person and a cute cat!

Obviously, I don't think I am "cured". I'm not sure there is even such a thing, but I'm feeling good. Which rules. 

There are lots of things that have contributed to this, mostly people and my furry critters. I hope that you know who you are and that you know I love you. You're the best. 

Anyway...

'Till next time. Let's hope the vibe is similar.

Much love,

Hayley

xx

32%

Today, I feel like a pretty poor 32%. 

I woke up later than I should have and just lay there for a while and stared at the ceiling.

Then I forced my self to reach over and pick up my phone to scroll through my social medias.

After a good 40 minutes of this, I managed to get up, run to the bathroom and brush my teeth. 

I made my way downstairs, made myself a coffee and just kind of, stirred it, until it went cold. Then I managed a few sips. 

I eventually managed to make myself some cereal which took me 2 hours to eat. 

I thought putting on make up and leaving the house would make me feel better. It didn't, but I did do it.

Now i'm back in bed at 1.30pm in the afternoon and I feel like today is done. 

My head is sore and my heart is sad and I just want to curl back up and stare at the ceiling until sleep takes me again. 

This is okay and it's probably what I will do, but the most annoying thing about today has been that yesterday, I was a good, solid 76%!

Yesterday I saw my friends, smiled, laughed, sang, I even made food and ate it. All of it!

The most annoying thing about this whole situation is how much can change in a matter of 12 hours. 

Yesterday was a success, but today feels like a failure. 

I hope that tomorrow brings some progress and I can get above 50%.

Much loves 

xxx