In My Mind

Guilt, Jealousy, Frustration, Anger, Hatred.

These are the words that come to the front of my mind when I'm having a bad day with my low mood. Let me explain...

Guilt. Because I can't be there for my work colleagues and friends, because I'm too tired to get down the stairs never mind attempted something that could be risky, like driving.

Jealousy. Why are all these other people living their day to day lives happily and normally, whereas for me, everything I do feels like it's a marathon. Why can't I be like that. 

Frustration. I'm being stupid. You're an idiot. You can do it you're just being lazy. Get up, you stupid moron. Get in your car, fat idiot. Get going like a NORMAL PERSON.

Anger. I'm so angry with myself. Why aren't you normal?! Why can't you cook a meal, read a magazine or wash the dishes?!

Hatred. I hate this. I hate being this way. I hate my brain. I hate the way this makes me feel. I hate myself. 

Anyway,

Today has been the first really tough day I've had in a while, which I am thankful for. But I was hoping those days had gone forever. 

I guess you can't get rid of this like you can the flu.

Lots of love,

Hayley

x